Endless as the Stars Page 2

  feet vigorously on the hard surface floor. More of her coworkers appeared

  over the hour along with a few police officers and members from the fire

  department. Bruce was loved by so many and well respected.

  The anxiety of not knowing bothered Tia the most. She began

  cracking her knuckles and Carina reached over, trying to calm her

  movements. Their eyes locked and Carina wiped away a tear that fell from

  Tia’s eyes. Tia sighed, shaking her head. She was supposed to be the one

  supporting Carina not the other way around.

  Several more minutes passed when the double doors that led to the

  ER opened. Carina and Tia leapt up at the same time. Everyone stayed

  back, not wanting to invade the space meant for Carina.

  Carina’s grip tightened and pulled Tia forward. The doctor walked up

  slowly, one of the nurses beside her, and fear slammed into Tia’s heart. Her

  eyes watered, her body trembling with trepidation. The doctor recognized

  Tia, their eyes locking briefly before shifting to Carina.

  There was no mistaking the grief in the doctor’s eyes as she spoke

  softly. “Mrs. Simpson…”

  The doctor said no more as Carina screamed, dropping to her knees.

  Tia collapsed with her, reaching to pull Carina into her arms. They cried

  together unable to hear the rest. The pain was unbearable as they both

  choked out sobs that couldn’t be controlled. Tia squeezed Carina tight, not

  wanting to let her go.

  Minutes passed when a nurse approached, kneeling beside them. She

  tapped Tia’s shoulder. Tia looked up, Carina’s face buried in her neck.

  “Would you both…?”

  Tia knew what she was asking. Tia nodded, clearing her throat.

  Trying to blink away the tears was hard as they kept falling. “Give us a

  moment,” she whispered weakly. She brushed her hand over Carina’s back.

  Slowly, Tia sucked in a breath trying to sound strong for Carina’s sake.

  “You want to see him?” she mumbled to her best friend’s wife.

  After a few sniffles, Carina nodded. After a long minute they stood

  and began to slowly walk, not emotionally ready to see his lifeless body. As

  they neared the trauma room, Tia nodded, thankful to the nurses who

  cleaned up whatever mess they made trying to save him. His body was

  covered with a few thick white blankets, only his face exposed. He looked

  asleep. Tia almost called his name, hoping he’d wake up and answer.

  Carina cried harder, unable to step into the room. She shook her head,

  turning and resting her back against the wall. “I…I can’t.” She sobbed, eyes

  red and puffy. Her nose was running.

  Tia reached over, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe Carina’s face.

  She squeezed her fist, released, and took a breath. Tia cupped Carina’s face,

  forcing her to make eye contact.“This is an important decision you have to

  make. Don’t leave without saying goodbye.” Tia let out a shuddering

  breath, begging herself not to cry again. Not now. Her best friend was gone

  but Carina had lost her husband. The father of her children. Tia needed to

  help Carina through this next step.

  Carina’s body shook as she choked out a sob, covering her face. “But

  I don’t want to say bye.”

  There was no hiding from the truth. Tia needed to make sure Carina

  didn’t do that. She’d need to tell her kids and couldn’t do that without

  facing this truth. Tia removed Carina’s hands from shielding her face. “You

  have to. You have three kids waiting for you.”

  Carina took a moment and nodded, looking back to the room where

  her husband lie unmoving. Lifeless. They walked in and when they reached

  his body Carina’s hands shook, reaching to touch his face. “He’s still

  warm,” she cried out. She leaned in and kissed his forehead.

  For some time, Tia watched, her eyes on her best friend, part of her

  pleading for a miracle. Gradually, she backed out of the room and pulled

  out Carina’s phone. After receiving so many calls and texts Carina didn’t

  want to be bothered anymore. She called one of Carina’s sisters, telling her

  the outcome. Her sister was now on her way, the kids staying with her

  husband.

  Minutes passed when Carina’s sister walked up. “She needs you.” She

  squeezed Tia’s arm and walked into the room where Carina lingered next to

  her husband.

  Tia watched as Carina twisted into her sister and fell into her arms.

  There was nothing more Tia could do for Carina and she found no purpose

  in being there. The longer she stayed the more guilt she felt. She should’ve

  been with him tonight. Tia looked back at Bruce’s unmoving body and felt

  herself shattering. She’d no longer be able to hear his jokes or watch his

  silly expressions. Seeing him like this hurt. Part of Tia felt as if she was in a

  dream. She stumbled away from the room, heading to the nearest exit. A

  few of her coworkers called her but she ignored them and left without

  looking back.

  Chapter One

  Four Months Later

  Carina

  A loud bang came from downstairs. Carina ignored it, walking to the

  bathroom. Her brunette hair was in disarray and tangled. She was headed to

  the toilet but stopped by the shadow of her figure in the mirror. She knew

  her brunette hair was a mess, brown eyes hollow. Carina lost a little weight

  from not eating enough, wearing oversized clothes to hide her curves.

  Without Bruce, Carina felt lost and absent from the world. He’d been

  her rock for almost 15 years. Now, at 35, she was alone with no sense of

  direction.

  One of her kids knocked harshly against her bedroom door. Carina

  planted both hands over her sink, wanting to climb back into bed.

  “Mom!” Rina screamed through her door. “Johnathan freaking kicked

  his soccer ball in the house and knocked the TV over.”

  Carina shut her eyes, not answering her daughter right away. With a

  long sigh Carina shouted from her bathroom with no intention of

  approaching her bedroom door. “Okay. Be out soon.” She shut herself

  inside the bathroom, sliding down the door to the floor. Carina wore her

  husband’s shirt, bringing the hem of it up to her nose. All she knew how to

  do was cry. Her family was broken. It had been four months, but it seemed

  like just yesterday she lost her husband. The one person she could count on.

  After 10 minutes of crying, Carina got dressed without showering and

  went downstairs. She ignored the mess that was made. Her kids stared at

  her but said nothing.

  “Get your things.” She walked to the car, waiting for them to follow.

  They argued the entire ride, Carina zoning out from their back and forth

  bantering.

  After dropping them off at school, Carina went back home and curled

  into bed. She couldn’t sleep, lying in her husband’s shirt for the next two

  hours. She eventually got up, heading downstairs to check her mail. There

  were a few envelopes in her mailbox. One by one she skimmed over them

  and tossed them onto the kitchen counter until finding one letter

  unaddressed. Opening it, she found a check inside for $800. Carina closed

  her ey
es and placed the check on the counter.

  She looked to the living room and began to clean up the mess her son

  made. Johnathan was nine and her only son. He looked just like his father.

  In the past few months, that sweet smile he usually carried turned into anger

  and bitterness. He had random outbursts that she knew she needed to deal

  with before it was too late.

  Carina ate a small meal and headed back into the bedroom to sleep

  the rest of the day away. Before she knew it, the kids were back, asking

  about dinner. Tonight, Carina knew she would order more pizza with

  arguing followed behind. She couldn’t handle it. Not tonight. Carina called

  her sister to come and pick up the kids. She needed a night alone.

  Once her kids were gone, Carina sat at the dining room table holding

  the check in her hand. Her husband had put in for life insurance, but she

  was unable to touch it yet. Even if she had access to it, she couldn’t. Just

  another thing to remind her that he was gone. But this check hurt her just as

  much and it wasn’t the first one. She needed the money but was too angry

  to cash it.

  She climbed into her car and drove until she reached her destination.

  She found a few ambulances parked outside the medic station getting ready

  to leave soon. There were a few employees she recognized. They smiled

  weakly but said nothing. Carina left her house in sweat pants and Bruce’s

  shirt. She felt like a mess but didn’t care at the moment. Once she reached

  the medic unit Bruce worked for the last four years, she opened the back

  door to the ambulance.

  Tia sat on the bench seat alone, checking over her equipment. Her

  dark brown eyes widened, surprised by her presence. “Carina—”

  “How dare you?” Carina spat out the words, not caring who was

  listening. “You think this is what we need from you?” She waved the

  envelope in her hand.

  Tia stepped out of the ambulance, tears threatening to spill. She

  couldn’t speak.

  “Take your money.” Carina shoved it into Tia’s chest. Tia had been

  sending her money every two weeks for the last two months. Carina never

  spent a dime of it, holding on to it until now. She was finally ready to be

  angry.

  “That’s for you and the kids. I can’t—”

  Carina screamed. “Damn it, Tia. Take your money.” She was about to

  fall apart. After losing Bruce she’d also lost her friendship with Tia too. At

  least, that’s how it felt.

  “No!” Tia retorted. “It’s for you.”

  “You think this is what we need from you?” Carina let the envelope

  fall on the ground and turned to walk away.

  An audience was building as the supervisor and a few employees

  stepped out.

  Carina walked faster to her car, shutting herself inside as if it would

  block the feelings spilling out of her. She knew she looked crazy. She began

  crying, slamming the palm of her hand repetitively against the steering

  wheel. There was a knock on her window. Carina didn’t roll it down afraid

  she might crumble.

  The door opened, Tia kneeling beside her. Tia lowered her head, guilt

  soaking into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  Prematurely and out of anger, Carina slapped Tia harshly. A sob

  escaped Carina as she covered her face. Tia reached inside, pulling her into

  a hug. Carina consented for a brief time, but then pulled away. “No!” she

  hissed out. “I don’t need you comforting me only to abandon us tomorrow.”

  Carina hadn’t realized until now how hurt she was from Tia abandoning

  them after Bruce’s funeral.

  “I wasn’t…” Tia stopped and took her time. “After the funeral…it

  was hard looking at you all. I failed—”

  “Don’t you dare!” Carina shook her head, baffled by Tia’s omission.

  “We needed you Tia, and you disappeared on us for the last four months.

  My family is torn apart.” Carina never blamed Tia for her husband dying.

  All she wanted was her friend and Tia had disappeared.

  Tia nodded, staring at the ground. She wiped her face with the back of

  her hand. “What do you want me to do? I thought I’d hurt you all by staying

  around.”

  “We needed you more than your money.” Carina’s voice came out

  rough and fractured. Carina wiped away her tears and reached out to wipe

  away Tia’s. She missed her. “We still need you. The kids. I don’t know what

  to do.”

  Courage built in Tia’s brown eyes as she faced Carina’s. She took a

  long breath, trying to find a way to make up for her cowardice. “I’m sorry. I

  thought—I was wrong to leave you alone. Bruce…he’d hate me for it.”

  “We need you. And you need us,” Carina spoke firmly. She looked

  one last time into Tia’s eyes. “Dinner will be at six tomorrow night.”

  Tia stepped back and nodded.

  She closed the door for her as Carina put on her seatbelt and drove

  off.

  Chapter Two

  Tia

  “You need a minute?” Quintin asked. He was one of many temporary

  partners Tia had lately.

  Working Medic Unit 111 was her normal shift of six pm to six am.

  Once she got back to work, there had been a string of paramedic’s covering

  Bruce’s shifts. And none Tia cared to work with. It wasn’t easy finding a

  great partner. Tia had that with Bruce and now he was gone. She shifted the

  gear into drive and took off with Quintin, only looking forward.

  Sometimes a call would pop up at the start of shift and other nights

  they could sit posted at a location for hours waiting for their first call. That

  was tonight. It’d been almost three hours and the night was still silent. She

  stuck her ear phones in her ears, ignoring any chance of making

  conversation. She didn’t want to. Quintin was a funny guy, but nothing

  could make her laugh since Bruce died. She’d never had to work with

  Quintin before.

  A call rang, their phone vibrating as dispatch sounded on the

  intercom. “This is dispatch to Medic Unit 111. You have a call coming from

  225 Church St. An officer assist for a K-9 bite.”

  Quintin reached for the mic, but Tia moved faster, snatching it up.

  “This is Medic 111. We copy call. En route.”

  “When we get there, can you—”

  “I know what to do,” Tia cut off. “It’s a freaking dog bite,” she

  muttered.

  She heard Quintin sigh, but he said nothing. It took them a few

  minutes to arrive. She parked the rig and walked around back to grab the

  medic bag.

  The police unit SUV was parked on the side of the road, its lights still

  flashing. The police officers’ K-9 barked in the backseat as they

  approached. They had a suspect handcuffed.

  “Can we temporarily remove the cuffs—”

  Both the police officers and Tia said no at the same time. Tia looked

  to Quintin as if he was a rookie and she was his superior. He was a

  paramedic and Tia was the EMT. He had higher ranking, but she’d worked

  more years than him with all the experience he had as an EMT and

  paramedic combined. She knew she was being harsh but didn’t care. Their

  patient was
in handcuffs for a reason.

  She walked up to the patient. “I’m Tia. An EMT. I’m just going to

  check out your hand.”

  “My knee hurts too. They slammed me to the ground.” The patient

  looked up to her with pleading eyes as if asking she request to take him to

  the hospital.

  She opened the bag, grabbing a small 500 ml bottle of sodium saline.

  She used her gloved hand to touch his wrist. Blood dripped from the palm

  of his hand. Skin was torn open from a few puncture marks. The patient

  hissed. She poured the container of sodium saline over his entire hand and

  used a thick patch of gauze to clean it up. She examined further, checking

  for coloration and anymore tears around his hand. “Wiggle your fingers,”

  she told the patient. He did and she continued to clean, asking the cop to use

  his flashlight to see better. It was dark out and the red and blue lights from

  the police vehicle didn’t help.

  Hand clean enough, Tia used rolling gauze to wrap around the

  patient’s hand. “All done. Were you planning to take him to the emergency

  room yourselves for a full clearance?”

  “Yeah. We got it from here. Thanks.”

  Tia nodded. “Then my job is done.” She removed the used gloves,

  tossed them in the trash bin in their ambulance, and put the bag away. Tia

  took out the Tough book they did their charting on and typed up a quick

  report. When she was done, she hopped in the front driver seat and grabbed

  the mic, clearing them from the scene.

  Tia drove off, counting the hours until she’d be done with her shift.

  *

  At home Tia couldn’t sleep. After losing Bruce, it took sleeping pills

  to give her at least five hours. It wasn’t easy going back to work. After his

  funeral, Tia asked for leave, using much of her paid overtime to escape.

  There was no vacationing in her absence. Every night she cried, hibernated

  in her room watching endless TV. She’d gone to the gym practically every

  day. Depression worked differently for many. For Tia, it came out through

  anger and exercise.

  Work reminded her of Bruce, but she needed to go back. She knew

  Carina and the kids would need the money and couldn’t picture letting his

  family struggle. Seeing Carina last night brought back all her tears. Tia